I have a feeling this will be closer to one of those “dear diary” moments.
You know that hazy sense of semi-reality that hits you when your body wants to tell you that its running out of steam and urging you to quit for the day? I think I’m there. I love it. I’m a firm believer that when you reach this state, that citadel of self-preservation, self-awareness…of ‘self’ itself crumbles – the result: all the fiction in your personality dissolves, and you’re left with a distilled ‘you’. I get this feeling most when travelling. It’s great! If you ever want to meet me at my most real, meet me on my travels.
I’m going to France in a few minutes, which I feel mixed about. I can’t wait to spend some time with my family…the way our timetables fit together just doesn’t allow it – but it has been a long summer. A fantastic summer overall, despite the obvious dips, but I’m ready to get started in September now. I miss regularly seeing so many people, regularly doing what I feel I do best. Working purely in an office environment is simply not for me – it’s a necessary part of my job, but if it was the only part, I think I’d go mad. I’m rambling.
This holiday is a great chance to refocus. I don’t feel like I’ve been truly living selflessly for God in the fast few weeks. That needs to change. A inspirational man of God reminded me of this passage the other day:
Psalm 37:4 (New International Version)
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
It’s amazing how one verse can cause you to crumble. To use a bit of Christian jargon, I felt a little convicted reading this. The desires of my heart don’t seem particularly significan’t in comparison to the way God has blessed me in the last two years.
I’m sorry if I’ve rambled. The opening paragraph was a little bit of a warning. But like I said, here you get me at my most real! Time to go 🙂