Change can be a best friend to those that cause it and a bitter enemy to those that have it thrust upon them.
My bedroom is a disaster. Unless I am asleep, it is simply a changing room. Too many of my clothes are huddled together in a pile on the floor (I think they’re planning something); on my desk an eclectic but imposing collection of books is growing faster than I can read them whilst important bills, not-so-important documents and my passport (along with a well-travelled tube of toothpaste) fill any usable space that the books have kindly left for them. Yes, I’m a messy person, ok? Despite my desire for the mess to be tidied, I’d probably really struggle with someone else tidying it for me without my consent (although I’m open to putting that theory to the test). The thing is, I know where everything is – where everything should be. Everything is in its proper place, or at least if it isn’t, I know where it is. I like it that way. Although some might be close, no one else quite understands the order of my room like I do and changing it to something I’ve not intended would be very frustrating.
I think our minds are similar. They are like rooms filled with everything we know, all in their rightful place or at least, where we know can find them. If we want to add something or take something away from this room ourselves it’s not a problem because we get to design our room to be filled with the memories we like; the knowledge we care about; the feelings, friendships and relationships we love. It’s of our own design. Change is a best friend to those who cause it. But that’s the easy bit.
The problem is that other people have access to our rooms. They can impact every aspect of it with varying significance. And you thought your room was private, right? Think about it. Your memories are moulded by the people you make them with. So, too, is your knowledge, and many of the emotions you feel during a typical day, caused by other people or things. Not as private after all. I could cope if someone came into my bedroom and took away all the clutter and rubbish; similarly, if I had help to overcome a traumatic experience or to remove a damaging friendship, that would be fantastic. But what if someone took my television without my permission?! I love my television; I actually really struggle to get to sleep without it on at the moment (bad I know, but it does have a timer on it so it’s only on for a little bit). It’s my entertainment during the little time I do spend in my bedroom. What if someone took my wardrobe or my bed – things I actually really need? Suddenly, change becomes a bitter enemy. I think we see that in our minds too; we mourn the loss of loved ones, feel the pain of broken relationships and even down to a more trivial level, can really struggle with losing to others in anything. These changes are the kind that are thrust upon you. The order of your room changes and there is nothing you can do but slowly start to adapt to the new design.
Yesterday, the design of my room changed. I’m not sure I like it yet, but I guess I’m going to have to adapt. It’s not easy!